beighcoon's Journal

Thoughts on seasons.
Driving to and from school each day gives one a lot of time to think and reflect. Usually, I try to focus my thoughts on a project that I'm developing in my head -- some story idea, or program that I'd like to code -- but it's not long before my mind strays to other topics. One thing that I can say for certain is that I really really miss having an iPod.

During the summer, the drives were interesting. I had to be on the road just as the sun was coming up, and spending an hour driving through endless cornfields definitely gives one a sense of connection -- after a fashion -- with the current state of life in the world. Not nature, necessarily; the rows and fields are too regular and controlled to be truly naturally occurring phenomena. But you do see the progress in the plants: they grow taller as weeks pass, and eventually top off at some uniform height, lush and green and warm. And with the sunlight is on them just so, the flat terrain exposing more sky than I've ever seen in my whole life before having moved here, you feel more at home with the world -- a stronger bond -- than you do when you're cramped up in your chair at home, typing away at a laptop.

Watching fall approach was interesting too, but also somewhat saddening. The holidays are coming up, true, but at the same time, the long, sunny days are a thing of the past; daylight savings really puts the nail in that coffin. Things are colder, the soil is more barren, and an overcast sky no longer means rain that will help plants grow, but rather spells a chill wind that rattles leafless branches and makes you wish you'd remembered to bring your coat with you. I love fall -- in fact, the crisp weather coupled with the leaves changing color is the most wonderful time to be alive -- but once the leaves have fallen and the sunlight retreats, I am left with a vague sense of melancholy that is warmed only by the promise of holidays and time spent with family.

But when even those things pass, and the world is in the slump of January and February ... needless to say I will be counting off the days until the world sends up the first shoots of Spring.

Back to homework.

Musings.
So, tomorrow I go back to work. I can sort of mark the break I had -- too long, by most standards, including my own -- in certain spots, points where I remember having a particular feeling or thought or sensation. They are descriptive, but not everything, and will soon fade from memory after having been written.

The end of the last day of work, indicating a break. I can feel the holidays coming to a close, and the tiny comfort of being in the bosom of the holiday season is about to be pulled away like a blanket from a sleeping child. So, I nuzzle in closer, and enjoy the warmth while it's there, because lord knows it's cold enough outside.

The night before Christmas. Kind of thinking to myself that I should be more excited, because even though I'm well past the age of getting many gifts, it's still a good place to remember things, remember time spent with family, remember the innocence of childhood. But, honestly, it just feels like another day, and I don't even notice when midnight rolls over, though I am awake.

New Year's Eve, closing down the restaurant and going to the house of my co-workers, something that in all the years I've worked there haven't done. I enjoy their company, resolved to have at least some friends in this town, and tell myself that I should spend more time with them.

New Year's Day. It's morning, and the year is in front of me rather than behind me. I look at a five-dollar brick of unsent Christmas cards, forgotten, and am not quite sure what to do with myself. Work hasn't really begun again. Though for some this day is ominous, for many more it's uneventful, just another day. I'm somewhere between, but mostly I just want it to be warm again.

Today. Work begins again tomorrow, and I have my ducks in a row, or so I think. I can't help but wonder if I will slip back into the mindset of having things to do that are undone restlessly stirring in the back of my head, and somehow figuring out how to overcome it. I honestly can't say.

What I can say is that I'm looking forward to it. It's cold outside, but not as cold as it has been. We've got a new president, one of the most charismatic presidents this country has ever seen. I've got applications for grad school classes to complete, and a budding hobby to pursue. I've got the person I love with me, two cats, a house, and a future. Yes, I'm quite looking forward to tomorrow.

Really.
Earlier this afternoon, the APA pleasantly announced that the IQ of the average American has increased by a fair margin. What is most remarkable, however, is the time frame in which it transpired; instead of a gradual change comming about over generations as one might expect, it actually occured at a very specific time, namely 3:40am on Feb. 16th, 2008, when a small crowd of people, having recently resolved their struggle to obtain the best possible view of a local drag race on a highway, were run over.

"We haven't seen a spike like this since Jolt Cola was first released," reports Ulof Grunterswaggen, 43. "I have no doubt that humanity will now march into a brighter future." When asked to clarify, he rambled incoherently about how long it had been since he slept last and trembled impalacably.

Not everyone shares Ulof's optimism, however. "I believe that this is complete hogwash," says Dr. Jacobs, 33. "Just because a bunch of stupid people are dead doesn't make everyone else smarter. Hang on a sec." Dr. Jacobs then pardoned himself to go collect a Sponge Bob Square Pants figurine he had dropped, and was hit by a bus.

"I think I does feel smarter," says Hannah Goldberg. "I'm pretty sure that, after a year or two, I will has cured cancer, infant mortality, and also fashion."

What does the IQ boost mean to you? Each person is going to have to decide for themselves what they are going to do with their newfound intelligence. Just make sure you look both ways before crossing the street while you're getting there.

Link to source: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/02/16/maryland-crash.html?ref=rss#skip300x250

Fortune Cookie Quote: Finding exotic uses for what others ignore will give you your Special Fortune. In bed.

Written yesterday.
Things change. Seasons change, feelings change, everything changes. In the spare time of my busy life, I sometimes like to take pretty pictures with my old camera, landscapes of the clean snow that has recently swept through the town. I like to see the changes, feel them, live through them, but sometimes it's nice to take snapshots of where you've been, so that you can remember when time inevitably makes you forget the little things that make life in the moment so precious. And, when waning philosophical, sometimes it's just nice to have a pretty picture.

My stepfather died this morning.

When we first got BB, she could fit in the palm of my young hand. She was small and terrified and full of puppy energy as most chihuahuas are at that age, as if someone took all the momentum of a very large dog and pressed it down into this compact little thing that made up for its size in speed. That's about the time I first remember meeting my stepfather, the guy who was deeply in love with our mother and not quite sure what to make of my brother and I. As someone who dedicates himself fully to whatever he chooses to do, when he encountered my usI, he set his mind to the deceptively complicated task of raising us.

I could say a lot, here, in a variety of different ways. I could make pretty allusions to the things he did, the kind of man he was. I could take the petty route, and dredge up all of the memories of the bad times, the times that teach you something that you wish to God you'd've picked up on maybe the third or fourth time through. Or, I could, in a detached tone, go on at length about the respect I had for the man; or I could take the forgiveness-in-death mindset and make him into the kind of saint that we all hope to be remembered as. But, I will confess that I am tired, and will go with the sharp one-liner: I never thought the dog, as much as I love the girl, would outlive my stepfather.

Cancer fucking sucks.

This is so real!
Earlier today protesters lobbied outside of the American Embassy in Iran. Their cause: they are outraged at the recent blockbuster 300, a movie depicting Persians as would-be conquerors of all the world, with only Greece's Spartans standing in their way. Though none would call the movie intellectually challenging, it does have a flair for the dramatic, and does a reasonably good job as portraying the Persians as happless conquerors capable of horrific acts of cruelty and hubris in the most spectacular fashions.
As eye-pleasing as the movie may be, however, Iranians are outraged. You probably didn't know this, but Iran used to be called, once upon a time, Persia. "That's why we're outraged," said one protester. "Not one single American knew that those were our ancestors. I'll bet they don't know any other languages, either. I speak four myself. Bitte, amingo!" The embassy was baffled. Nobody was hurt in the incident.
But what of Americans? Is it true that nobody knows about Iran's history? "I had no idea," said a local area man, when asked that very question. "No wonder they're so bloodthirsty; I mean really, look at what they did. Those poor Spartans. We should really keep our eyes on those Ruskies."
Not everyone feels so strongly, however. "I believe that their society has progressed in leaps and bounds from where they were," said a professor from the local university. "I mean, you can't expect decendants from many generations past to be representative of the people today." He then went on to observe the differences he saw between Persians and Iranians, focusing mainly on the difference bettween what he described as "Mario Brothers' bom-ombs," that were used in the movie, and the "thermonuclear holocaust-in-a-can" weapons of today.
Movie critics are dubious about the protester's claims as well, claiming it was just a movie. "It's not like it was a documentary," said one critic. "I mean, yeah, there was some nudity, but I mean really. This whole thing took place in Greece, right? Where were all of the giraffes?"
The protest went on into the night, and those at the embassy were getting anxious. "This one guy, he tossed down his picket, and looked me in the eye," said one of the employeeds. "So I went over and talked to him. He said something about how he had gone to over two-hundred blogs and forums, and not a single poster had commented on invading Iran, and that he got called a troll and shot his computer and now he can't log online. Somehow, this is our fault?"
Do they have a point? Do Americans really not know their history? The answer may not be known for sure, but chances are, if you read this and you did know that Iran used to be related to Persia, then chances are you're Dutch.

CANDEH.
Holy crap.

When I was a kid, there used to be this kind of easter candy I ate by the colonful. It's basically a soft, thick candy shell covering what amounts to confectioner's sugar mixed with corn syrup in such a way as to make it kind of marshmallowy, except it comes apart easily. Since then, I've been on a quest to find these candies again, much like a Vietnam war vet seeks to find their wife and family upon return to the States. Though it's been well over a decade, I had faith in my heart of hearts that, somewhere out there under the pale blue sky, they were still being made.

Today, I was reuinted with Brachs Somethingorother, and my quest to eat them untill I have lost the use of my arms, legs, and neck on account of being the fattest fatty ever befatted has begun. I shall not rest untill I am able to draw them near with my gravitational attraction; any and every fold of my body shall willingly and eagerly consume them. The skies shall soon darken, and the rivers shall run as fat. Fields of locusts will perish for lack of sustinance, children shall raise up arms against their parents, and the good shall wither and the whole shall divide. Lives will crumble as hope, and even the weeds shall tremble in fear, whispering dark tales to those that have ears to listen. And when the homes and stores are all emptied, and the fires bring low all that Man has created, then shall Jesus come again for the Judgement Day; but too late, for none remain that have deeds to be judged. And even as the son of God himself weeps before me, I shall know no fear, for though my soul must surely be banished to a land that curses the word Easter, a dead wasteland wwill for all eternity deny me that which I seek, I will go there knowing that I *lived*.

Amenizzle.

thing.
I found the space again today. It happens after the really long days, when your hands ache and your legs are begging you to sit down, but it doesn't always happen. I don't know why that is; nonetheless, I found it today. It's very quiet there, distant from everything that's going on around you. Every sound is distinct and seperate; the "background noise," so often lumped together by the brain and discarded in whole is now broken down into its constituent parts. I could hear the difference between the door to the dishroom closing and the loud party's laughter and the sound of my own breathing, and the lines were crisp and clear. Obviously, one can intentionally be cognisant of such things if they try to be, but this is different from what I'm talking about; I couldn't *not* do it. There was so much distance between me and even a person talking to me from three feet away that I couldn't help but feel completely isolated. Clear.

The awareness of my own body also recieved some measure of this clarity. Every motion I made was deliberate, but also solitary in its particular moment in time. I couldn't have chewed bubblegum and walked at the same time if my life had depended on it, yet I could carry a tray full of half-empty water glasses from one end of the restaurant to the other. Still, this wasn't all of it. When work was busy, and I was full of caffiene and adrenaline, the dozens of tiny bumps and bruises and cuts that I sustained while at class were tucked into the back of my consciousness, ignored so that I could carry on with the day. Now that the evening was winding down, that buffer was completely gone, and I could hear all of the tiny voices in my body vying for my attention and inevitably getting it.

It is a very cold place, but this is not a bad thing. It's not distressful. I couldn't have felt a particular emotional slant in any direction, except for maybe simple exhaustion. Some might describe this as a numbness; I prefer to describe it as a tranquility. It was as if I was a part of the world, a cog that would turn without regard for the state of the rest of the machine.

The walk home helped. It was very cold outside, and I was locked out for a little while. In the four degree weather, I sat on my front porch, and I swinged on the swing, and I thought for a little while. What about, I couldn't really tell you; it didn't seem important at the time, in and of itself, and it probably wasn't. When the cold began to settle into me, soaking my clothing, I had to walk around to keep from falling asleep.

Now I'm showered, and I'm warm, and most of my body is a dull glow of tired muscles and a few pains scattered about. All I can think of is sleep. But, I wanted to put this down, as I don't know if I've ever really written about this space. And... there it is.

Goodnight.

My cat watches me poop. While she poops. It's a crappy situation.
Watched Saw III today. Good movie. I like the continued interweaving of the three movie's plots. One or two of the actions the characters took seemed improperly motivated. The "Father" was a mediocre actor who didn't play up his role at all, even though he was given a role that could have been made quite interesting, but turned out kind of flat. The "traps" were standardly torturous, though one was kinda neat. Watch the movie to see.

Not much else is new. Enjoying life. Working on a new menu for work, as the owner seemed to like what I've done so far. Stupid athlete's foot won't heal, even after a week of putting that Lamosil or whatever on it. I'm sure everyone wanted to know that!

Need to practice more. Good lord, I've got tons of drills to work on. And tons of forms. I've got to do a boatload tomorrow. Going to try and bang out twenty of each. It will be darn near impossible, but ... who knows. It's just that I don't have the room for it where I live. I basicaly have to take every stance in the same spot. I suppose I can do that, but ... still. It doesn't seem good.

Still loving this laptop. :) My cat watches me as I type.

I need to get Painkiller installed on this machine. Man, that'd be sweet. I'd also like to try Halflife 2. Basically, to catch up w/ all the games I otherwise missed out on due to my other computer being stupid. Speaking of which, it's nearly repaired; I remounted the motherboard to the case, though I have yet to hook the power and ATA cables back up. Whatever; I'll get to it tomorrow. Everything happens tomorrow. Stupid days being made out of not enough time. :P

Must pay car insurance! I hate money. It makes babies cry.

Stuff to do, stuff to do. I've almost finished my first pointless animation. To any who might end up seeing it, understand that it was mostly a test run -- wanted to see if I could actually animate or not. From what I've got, the answer is yes, though I need some work. If there's something wrong w/ it, assume I already know, as there's tons of shortcuts I'm taking just to get the damn thing finished. And the humor is kind of tounge-in-cheek with a friend of mine -- if you've never worked for the company we're making fun of, it won't be as funny. But anyway! I think it's amusing, and that's half the battle. The other half being, of course, making sandwitches for the bomb squads. In Boston. City.

I am going to make a stab at actually fixorating my desktop -- somehow, the plastic mounting pins snapped. There's seven of them. The drugs I don't do don't tell me that it was government agents that sneak into my house and change their breasts in my bathroom while I slumber with a fistful of papers pressed into my crotch ... that ... broke the pins. Yeah.

Salami?

Going to do some shoveling in a minute -- this whole discourse is really just an elaborate ruse to that part of my brain that demands usefulness be poured out of my me. This is useful, right? RIGHT? Then I gotta figure out what's up w/ my college loan, and tie up a loose end from college, and oh YEAH I completely forgot I'm having to redo the menu at work. Which ought to be fun; I've got some good ideas as for what I can do.

Have a good one.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
The days pass. I find that weeks are falling off the calendar, and I'm hardly noticing. I can see how someone can be surprised when their birthdays roll around.

I cook a lot these days. I look forward to going to the grocery store so I can buy good ingredients and cook them up. It's a strange state for me to be in; previously, I was quite happy to just buy fast food and not wash any dishes. But those days are long gone, and I'm not terribly sorry to see them go. Now it's simple pastas during the week and complicated indian food on the weekends. It's a good pattern.

Kung fu continues to inspire me to do things I wouldn't otherwise. Though I don't practice as much as I'd like, I still am more active outside of work now than I ever was. I feel like I'm actually getting something out of it. I don't know if it's due more to what I'm being taught or how it's being taught (that's a long story in and of itself), but regardless, the result is good. I'm developing muscularly, and will be soon doing some resistance training at a local gym that I signed up for.

I wonder what I'm going to do with my life. Though I'm studying very hard for the physics GRE's, I have this sort of instinctual foreknowledge that I'm *not* going to be accepted into grad school, and that I am essentially setting myself up for failure. But, regardless, I have to give it my best shot, as one of the lessons I'm learning is that *how* you live your life is just as important as what you do with it. The days are passing. I find myself lured closer and closer to a few creative projects that I'm working on, and wish to be able to spend a few days doing nothing but working on them ... but each time I get a few contiguous days, I have to cook, clean, and basically maintain the rest of my life. Not necessarily a complaint, mind.

The cats are good. Lucy Lu got an eye infection, got it cleared up, and is now meowing about again, chasing laser pointers and loosing her little poofs that she somehow learned how to play fetch with. The house is still frigid, and I'm not quite sure how to pester my landlord further; I found myself tonight washing dishes, and realized that I was doing it mostly to keep my hands warm. I bought a 75 cent hat from the Goodwill the other day, and have found it to be a purchase of immesureable value. I'm going to hold on to this one and not loose it, like I did that nice $10 hat I bought in November.

I hope things stay quiet.

Gnar.
I'm going by momentum. Ugh. I hate pulling doubles when I'm sick.

Things are going well. Cats are happy and cute and relaxing. Job is good. Working on creative projects. Kung fu could be better; getting a bit discouraged, as I'm sick and can't practice -- it just *hurts* too much. Muscles are sore. Other than that, nothing's new. Want to work on projects, get something turned out. Got most of the graphics done; just gotta put it together in an animation.

It's really weird when you're sick and all of your endorphins go away and all of those sore parts of your body that you bashed and battered through work and kung fu start to really *sing*, and you can figure out what motions make them hurt worse in ways you'd never even notice if you weren't sick. Oh, and every part of your body feels particularly disparate; you're keenly aware exactly where on your arm you're touching with your finger -- not that you wouldn't know otherwise, but the sensation is much clearer now for some reason. Kind of creepy sounding, but hey. Ride the rollercoaster.

Applications to grad school are under way. Will have to pick up more hours to pay for application fees. No big. Just more work. :P

I go lay down now. I'll probably get the chills when my day-long adreniline surge wears off, but that just means the blankets will be just that much more welcome. Night.

Nipples like glasscutters.
This morning, before I went to work, I discovered that we are in the throes of winter. You kind of forget it with the softish weather we'd been having; it was chilly, but not frigid. But it wasn't the temperature that tipped me off; everything in the house was supernaturally bright due to the snow, and I knew that it was gonna be cold. Indeed, it was frigid when I went to work. You know that feeling when you get out of the shower, and you're warm n' toasty n' dressed in fresh clothes, and then you open the door to a gust of cold air that makes you glad that you have a coat and gloves on? That was me. I became quite aware that I still had a warmth clinging to my skin, in the same sense that one becomes aware, after having sat in a position such as to put the limb to sleep, of their own leg once the blood gets pumping and the tingles die away: it was comfortable and inexplicably right. "Well, I've got my coat and gloves and my face is warm, so it's not that bad; I can handle it," I think, and by the end of the second block that sentiment has completely fled me and I am trying to make sure my damn ears don't fall off from the cold and I'm kind of wondering if slipping and falling and knocking myself unconsious would be fatal to me in this frozen wonderland. And not for the last time today, I'm going to wonder where exactly I managed to leave my hat.

Anyways, huck the fat, I have to go to work.

The pathway to eternity begins in the Colon.
Arg. I truly detest being sick. Makes me want to be less sick. Oh, maybe and die.

MFF was great fun. Went, chilled with the people I really wanted to see, made a few awkward "Hey, how've you been, yeah I've been gone for three years" reaquaintances, and (in general) socialized a lot. Which, truthfully, is the only reason I go to those things -- not to say that I don't enjoy the ambiance and the goofery and paraphanelia, just that it's not a big enough draw to lure me there at the expense of work / time / money.

I am invigorated with (likely temporary, as such modes of invigoration go) inspiration to do a lot of creative stuff; drawing, playing the piano, and getting my ass on those writing projects I keep daydreaming about but never crafting. Problem is, every time I sit down to do something like that, I get this tense feeling that I'm wasting time and that I need to get on doing other things, like cleaning the apartment or whatever else. And then I get kinda funked, and usually end up doing nothing -- which is to say, playing WoW. So, I spent a few hours, and began *cleaning* the apartment this evening (with a nice break in the middle granted by Spiffy; foods!) and hope to have my room and the living room done before I go to bed. Tomorrow, it's the bathroom, vaccuuming everything, and doing the laundry, and the place will be spic and span.

And then, the world.

I've got to start e-mailing the professors on the list I've compiled for interviewing for research opportunities. Let the fanegaling (spelling?) begin! I've also decided to not only take the GRE Physics in April, but also to get cracking on my physics data network; that's a huge project, but hopefully, a worthwhile one. We'll have to see where it goes.

That's pretty much everything. Turkey day is tomorrow. Hope to get well fooded, and meet some of Adie's relatives, or family friends, or whoever else is to be comming.

Doot.

Jumpin' Jesus' Jock Itch!
Back from vacation. Ruled. Did all kindsa stuff, including carousing around strange Tuscon downtowny places in the world's worst Jolly Green Giant costume; will have to work on it a bit over the year so I have it as a nice backup costume. Will begin work on my next year's costume soon; it'll rule, and be all spontanescentless.

Saw the Desert Museum outside Tuscon. Awesome place; took many photos of cactii, enough that when I get a better grip on Maya, I can probably code things that'll make them for me. I might even be able to use POV-ray. We'll see. Also, did lots of booky-stuff, scanning and searching and such; reminded me of the old days at Crown Books. We also watched what I'm calling B-minus horror movies, scared trick-or-treaters by convincing them that they were about to be gifted a bag of vegtables for halloween, and carved awesome pumpkins with friends while cooking pumpkinseeds in the background for a spontaneous contest to see who can make the tastiest (not all activities occured on the same day).

To get the one sour note of the whole trip out of the way ...don't ever use Amtrak. Not only are they consistently late w/ their trains (half an hour to one hour at best most all the time), but they're also completely crappy in terms of customer service and customer-relations policies. I loathe them because of the latter, but I choose never to get another ticket because of the former. At least, that's what I tell myself.

Having to set aside creative projects for something like a month so I can kick many asses on the GRE's. I want to work on my novel, this new cartoony idea that my closest friend (who isn't on LJ) and I came up with, work on two specific songs, and maybe get in a bit of work on this video-game project -- that is to say, way too many things. I might not even be able to really continue beta-testing the new WoW expansion with all that's going on.

Start training for daytime shifts today at work. Will hopefully net more money. Money good. Poor bad.

On book four of Harry Potter. VERY fast reads, very pleasant and light. Good quick break from the usual heavy stuff I read; I recommend them to anyone in the sixth grade. Oh, and to people who just want a bit of lighthearted reading and don't mind things that are overly hyped up by the media. Movies seem entertaining as well.

To anyone who reads this and missed me when I visited MD, I apologize, but I had no use of the car during the daytime, and the night-time was filled with stuff (mostly family related); also, the visit was kinda short, so I didn't have a whole lot of time to begin with.

Off to go fix the windows so that hopefully less cold air will leech into the apartment; this cold-ness is pretty terrible. Ohandmasturbate. Take care all.

I like bacon shoes.
I don't. Like bacon shoes. They sound kind of terrible.

Anyway, I've decided that I'm in Maryland right now. It's kind of neat, and kind of erie. There's this part of me that's like, 'Enjoy it, but it's not going to last,' but it's not keeping me from enjoying it. I'm just taking it with some kind of grain of salt. I miss this place. A lot.

Anyhow. I leave on Saturday morning. If you're reading this, and want to chill with me, post to my LJ. :) That means you, Skanrashke. :)

It's really really good to see my stepdad again -- he's doing so much better. He's still got the walker, but he relies on it *much* less than he was, and can actually stand with a straight back, though it's kinda hard. He's on much, much less painkillers, so he's perfectly lucid, and he seems to have chilled out to some degree on certain things. He's also able to pick up objects, which is new; previously, anything over 5lbs was too much. It's wonderful.

It's also nice to have been able to help them w/ their computers (them being my parents); I put a power supply in my stepdad's computer, and set up a wireless network for my mom, which makes their lives a lot better. It feels good to be able to help.

I'm a little worried about grad school and such; not on the ball enough. A part of me wants to grind down on getting stuff done for that, but there seems to be so little time.

Anyway, I leave for Tuscon in a few days. I miss Spiffy, and look forward to seeing her again.

Oh yeah! Must get shoes done. I made a Jolly Green Giant costume, which involved a lot of fabric, sewing, and hot glue. Mwahaha.

Also. I had a mental breakthrough with my Novel thingy whatever. I'm going to be picking up work on that when I get back home, if not sooner.

Must write music. I got a great idea for a song; must make implimented. It shall rule.

'till next time, Cowboy.

Burgergasms
At first, one might perscribe some kind of drain cleaner to cure me of my madness, in the hopes that whatever malicious and transient entity has tainted what is otherwise a perfectly normal mortal coil might abandon it and flee to wherever the hell those things come from, so that said coil never again with its crooked fingers and lopsided smile smiths a word like Burgergasms, nor sets it as the subject to a Livejournal post for the world to see. But alas, the word is rich with meaning, and for that reason I shall endeavor to enlighten the great masses that wait like gargoyles above my LJ, waiting to pounce on the smallest fragment of fluffy nuget that spills forth from it like the sensless violence of a paperclip riot.

1 toasted sesame-seed kaiser roll;
3 strips of thick bacon, *slightly* burnt;
1/2 pound of ground sirloin, mixed with one egg and one packet of lipton beefy onion soup mix; try to cook it medium, but well isn't terrible either;
1 fried egg, over hard with a little pepper;
1/2 chopped shallots, caramelized in vegetable oil with 1 sliced button-cap mushroom;
1 freshly sliced tomato, big and plump;
handful of pulled but not shredded lettuce
2 slices of very sharp cheddar cheese
1 tiny dolop of mayo
1 fair dolop of Masterpiece BBQ sauce

That, my friends, is a Burgergasm, and more precisely, what Adie and I had for dinner last night. We also technically had linguini in marinara sauce, but that got stared at questioningly, once the burgers were finished, by the confused and slightly baffled gazes of two people who, after having just finished eating something that constituted a statistically significant portion of their original biomass, wondered as to why in the hell it was brought into existance: the expectation that the pasta had that it was gonna get et was of course perposterous and perhaps a little offensive, and so it was put in tupperware and sent to go live in the fridge to teach it a lesson, the little fuck.

House of a thousand muffins.
I can feel it happening, like a vibrating mouse wedged between my toes. The piano in my soul went electric, and now I'm out of vegtables. You cannot fathom the breadth and depth of what four Tuesdays in a row is like, yet still, even that yawning abyss could never hold all of my spilt milk. Instead of flies on my nose, I would like a day off to worship, to feel, to breathe. But, despite having been forgotten, I have not forsaken my master, and still work to keep the links in the great chain of weasels strong and full of yummy fiber.

It's like she's watching me. She knows. Everything I do, from clipping my nails to brushing my teeth with just my finger, all of this is cateloged and stored away to one day be held against me in a court of law. I've never questioned why the headphones, why the duct-tape, why the whole green lights, but she suspects and knows and deliberately alters my destiny, chaining me to a pointless existance with mere corn meal to sustain my filthy habits. It's her fault.

Run, run while you still have legs. Her crabs will come, and when they do, they won't have weak-points with which you can get massive damage, and you will be twisting in the wind. Twisting! In the wind! FOREVER! I know this because Tyler knows this; anchient chinese battles and soap miracles do not define his character, but rather, augment it, like an extra finger on a chess player. Nobody cares, though, and I wonder if enlightenment is even the right word. Wright word, rong word, awful speling.

My nipples await. Be prepared, or be ashes.

A bear, a poop, and a roll of toilet paper walk into a forest...
Went in for interview with guy at physics department at UI. Went as expected. Need to get into raw masters program. Must kick ass on GRE normal and physics; high eighties, low ninties percentile. Need to begin knowledge packet for undergraduate physics; I've set out the books to get information from, and need to organize topics to study, and then make them. Need to pick up GRE study book from bookstore; before this, research as best as possible which one to get, and perhaps get more than one. Set up daily study routine. What's best: I called my dad, and he agreed to pay for the masters program if I get accepted, which will be difficult to do, but possible. Must consider getting texts for upcomming classes and studying them ahead of time, but only after I take the GRE's. Side bonus of all of this: I'd be getting a Physics Education masters, which means that I can: maybe sideways my way into a Ph.D or go into teaching HS or community college when I'm finished, and the process is only 3 semesters long. So! All 'round winning situation; it seems perfect for my current life goals.

Did a lot of stupid work on my graphics design portfolio, though it seems that may in fact be a moot point as it looks like there will be a job opportunity in tech support of some kind at the university. Also, got a callback from the Great Impasta, and was affirmed for a job there. Need to figure out how to work this with Red Lobster; my days at the latter are likely numbered. This is good. Fed snakes today; feel like there's a biblical reference in there somewhere, you know, feeding lamb to snakes. Did laundry, ironing, dishes, took out some trash. Must get vaccuum up here and frigging get the tiny/sharp objects off the floor. Need to get some steak for cooking up. Will make Adie her taco turkey meat tonight after I get home from work. Will try to get closing shift nonetheless; I want to get as much money as possible. I need to make $160 dollars from here to the end of the week in order to have this month's non-rent bills paid. I will have one week of training at the Great Impasta, which will mean I will have about 2 weeks to make $375. This is not including food and other living expenses; it's time that I started getting more serious about frugality. A friend of mine (you know who you are :) ) sent me a $50 gift certificate for the local Meijers, which is about to get stretched out like only a college student can. Which means I might not be able to get that steak. :p

Still learning Maya; may have to set this aside for a time as I focus on physics stuff. Still need to get outline done for the novel. Must stay focused; can't overwhelm self.

I can do eet. Woo.

For the five or so people on my list, amazing amazed, I'm posting something. :P But yeah, things have been hectic but good. I do tons of stuff every day, which feels really good; getting that nice sense of accomplishment. Just have to make sure to keep the ball rolling; seems to me that maintaining momentum is a prime factor in being successful in life. At least, for someone like me. I'm down with people who are more laid back... and in point of fact number myself amongst them, for the most part, but that's not the kind of person I *want* myself to be and so I am striving to be something different. We'll see how it goes. I've gotten a job at Red Lobster which has health benifits right off the bat (yay!), which is the *only* reason I took the job; I had a perfectly good opportunity at another place that probably would have paid much more money, but lost it because of shceduling conflicts and, though I can't proove it, probably due to a bit of uncategorizable creepiness. Anyway, good riddance; I shall get to know the area in a different manner.

Home life. I cook, clean, do laundry, unpack, straighten, wipe down, dust, organize, and essentially do all of those other things house-ish people are supposed to do, and while it feels good, it feels weird. We'll see how long I can maintain this particular kind of attitude, but ... I will say, while I like Adie's dad plenty, I never ever want to be in his position, which is to say immensely educated and washing dishes. Not that there's anything *wrong* with doing chores; I think it builds a good amount of character, in the sense that it's something that's easily done and gives a sense of satisfaction, but rather that I want the focus of my life to be on what I can do and make and teach, and not merely making sure that the place I live is spotless.

As to what I'm going to be doing, looks like I'm going to be hunting down a lab tech position. Then I make money, get some experience, feel out whether or not I've got a shot at doing it for a living (viz, getting into grad school and doing my Ph.D), and then sort of making my life happen from there. I've got some fair time to myself, which is good, because I want to work on a bunch of projects and such that I've neglected as of late.

Anyhow. See you next time cowboy.

Another little climax.
Well, today's the day. I'm running on some three hourus of sleep, I haven't finished packing, I got to spend some speck of time with my closest friend in the world before I left. I don't know what the future holds, but I expect that this next year is going to be perposterously difficult for myself and my S.O., and that we're both going to have to work very hard to make the relationship work.

Things happened. The truck is leaving. See you in IL

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